Tuesday, May 24, 2011

HELLO STRANGERS!! And some creative writing

Hello all my lovely bloggers. Summer has commenced, and while I wait all school year for this momentous occasion I find myself lonely and without meaning in the boondocks-- also called "Home Sweet Home". The past couple of days I have been missing my blog tremendously, so instead of going to bed at 8 I decided I would be a rebel and stay up a little longer to give a shout out! HEY THERE


I hope this will be the start to my regular blogging again- in fact I decided right this moment that it will be! Other than missing my blog, this past week has also reminded me of my love for writing. While browsing the documents on my Mac, I came across this creative writing assignment from a first year Uni class and it gave me a chuckle, you shall see if you keep reading. Disclaimer, I think I have become dull since I wrote this. 


How to Talk Your Way Out of a Ticket

Every driver out there has experienced the “fear” of the speeding ticket. Next to getting into an accident, it is most drivers’ worst fear when traveling by car. While it is a pain in our “butts” and dangerous to our saving accounts, the hefty charge of the speeding ticket can be avoided. Next time you see the officer waddle towards your vehicle to ask if you know what you did wrong, try any one of the following steps; 

This first step usually only works for girls, and some sexually confused men, and it will almost guarantee an exemption from any speeding ticket. This is done via the power of flirting. Well let’s be honest God’s gift to men are “boobs”, and if you got it –flaunt it! As the officer approaches your vehicle he will ask if you know what you have done. Looking up at him, eyelashes batting, answer calmly that you have no idea why you are being pulled over! Next it is important to try to avoid the matter of the ticket. Try to use your clothing as a distraction by pulling at your short skirt to show just enough leg, or bringing attention to your chest… ugh area. Try to continue the conversation for as long as possible. It also doesn’t hurt to give compliments such as giving him props for staying away from common stereotypes about cops and their donuts! If you have been successful, the officer will walk away minutes later completely swept off his feet, and in the process forgetting about the ticket. 

This next tip should be followed out with a southern accent. This time when he asks you if you know why you have been pulled over, act surprised while saying things like “golly” and “oppsy-dazy”. It helps to make references to the good old days, while blaming the engineering of the car. Complain how these accidents never would have occurred in the world of the Flintstones. He will be too shocked at your innocence, and assume your speeding was a mistake. Either way he will believe you, or pity you for your stupidity. 

When trying to get out of a ticket it never hurts to test the humanity in people. It may affect your afterlife, but lying about the death of a great-great-great-grandparent or beloved pet is sure to get you off-the-hook. Have a breakdown in front of the police officer. Try pulling off real tears; biting the inside of your mouth with great force will usually do the trick. As you tell him how you just got the news that your beloved goldfish “catnip” drowned, make sure to look vulnerable and destroyed. This approach takes a very heartless person to hand you a fine in your vulnerable mental condition. 

The following are a number of approaches that are not 100% affective, but you can pull it off with enough gusto and personal touch! Tell the officer that it’s not your fault; you literally have been diagnosed with a lead foot, you momentarily suffered from highway hypnotism and envisioned you were on the Autobahn highway in Germany, or you were simply rushing home to finish your English project that was due the next day- hey it shouldn’t be your fault your such a dedicated student!

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